From Knowing to Going

Now glory be to God, who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of—infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.            Ephesians 3:20

 

 

 

 

October 2017

Why are some lessons so stinking hard to learn? I promise you, I learned how to ride a bike, tie my shoes, blow bubbles and drive a car easier than I have learned to just ASK GOD.

I know my Savior loves me. I know He cares about me. I know He hears me. I have the KNOWING down, it is the GOING that I have not mastered yet.

Am I alone here? Am I the only one that will struggle with an issue, big or small, and then all of the sudden it dawns on me "why don't you go to Jesus?".

This year has been a whirlwind for us, but the past couple of months have been crazy. Please don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I am blessed beyond measure. I did not suffer any loss during Harvey, Irma or Maria. I was not involved in the horrific earthquake in Mexico. I didn't lose any loved ones in the Las Vegas or Texas shootings.  We have just been facing some big obstacles, fighting our way to get over them, and getting discouraged because I feel as though we keep sliding back down the uphill side, like it is greased with butter.

I have spent the past few months fretting about how and when a particular issue was finally going to be resolved. Last night, I was feeling sorry for myself, and thinking "what is the use, let's just forget it", "this isn't going to work out the way we hoped", and the best one yet, "why does it always seem like this stuff falls into place for everyone else", that one is a BIG O' LIE straight from the devil.

FAST FORWARD TO PRESENT DAY

I am so thankful I have a friend in Jesus, that he allows me to see proof of his love for me.  I wrote the above portion of this entry the beginning of October. I was so discouraged, I could not even bring myself to finish it. Instead, I left it as a draft and thought "I will go back to it in a few days". 

A few days have turned into a few weeks, and as I read through what I had previously written, my heart heard "See, I told you I was with you, and that ALL things are in my control.". All the issues that had me so burdened, tired and ready to give up seem so far in the past on this beautiful fall morning.

You see, I believe Jesus has been teaching me these past few months to work on my GOING to him. I have prayed the same prayer over and over, even while saying the blessing for our food. I don't think God ignored my repetitive prayers, I think he was gently reminding me, ASK, keep ASKING, BELIEVE, TRUST, and ASK some more. Do this until it is the first thing you think to do, instead of the last. 

What are you stressing over, contemplating, pacing the floors about? Get GOING to the One that loves you and wants to hear from you.

DIRTY DISHES AND FORGIVENESS

 

Saul turned and left Samuel. At that very moment God transformed him—made him a new person! And all the confirming signs took place the same day.                   1 Samuel 10:9 MSG

I HATE doing dishes. I am not really sure why it is my least favorite household chore, okay maybe cleaning toilets is higher on the list, but not by much. Hold that thought - 

If you have been reading my blog, you noticed that it has been a few weeks since I last posted anything. There have been many different matters that have overtaken my heart, thoughts and ability to write until now.  If you don't know me personally, you don't know much about my past and some of the things I have been through. Suffice it to say, like so many people,  I didn't have a Leave It to Beaver childhood.

 

When I was growing up, there was a period of time that I was sexually abused.  I don't imagine anyone that has been through such things, handles the aftermath the same way as another person. With the help of a great therapist, loving family members, and God, I was able to move past the hurt, disappointment, grief and shame. 

 

Forgiveness was a much harder obstacle to tackle.

Even though my father was not my abuser, I found it most difficult to forgive him. All little girls want daddy to be their knight in shining armor, and he should be. After I was a married adult, and the abuse had long stopped, I decided to talk with my father about the abuse. What I expected him to say to me was that he loved me, he was sorry, and that he would have stopped it had he known.

Instead, in my brokenness, my words were met with refusal to accept them as truth and the reply "you must not have remembered things correctly".
 

After several years of estrangement, I was able to forgive him.  Forgiveness came at an altar at the Church of God I was attending at the time. I had worked through all the other issues; forgiving the abusers, working on loving myself and setting healthy boundaries, but I was miserable because I held on to all this anger towards my father for not believing me. I knelt and prayed as hard, if not harder than I ever had. I begged God to help me forgive my dad. When I stood up, the 1,000-pound weight that had been on my heart and shoulders was gone, "POOF"!  Just like Saul, in an instant God changed my heart and made me a new person. I never felt bitterness, anger or hurt towards my dad again. Eventually we reconciled, thankfully before his passing from this world 15 years ago.

I was recently told by someone I love dearly, that they too had been abused by one of the same people, and that they believe my father knew about it. Suddenly, I was very angry with my father all over again. For a few days I stewed with emotion, feeling the bitterness creep back into my heart at the disappointment in him as a protector.

So, what does this have to do with washing dishes you ask?  I was loading the dishwasher a few days later, talking with Jesus about my feelings. In a nearly audible voice, my heart heard "When you forgave your father years ago, did you truly forgive him?". What? Of course I did, but this is different.  “Forgive” means to wipe the slate clean, to pardon, to cancel a debt. You cannot cancel a debt and then when it suits you, apply it to that person's account again. When you wipe a slate clean, there is no trace of what was there before. If I had truly forgiven my father for the past, then he was still forgiven now.

I feel so much empathy for the person who now has to walk the same road to healing that I did. It is not an easy road, and there are no shortcuts. Looking back at my life, I know that when I truly forgave EVERYONE involved in hurting me, that was when my healing took place.

IS THAT REALLY GOD'S STILL, SMALL VOICE

 

Then he was told, “Go, stand on the mountain at attention before God. God will pass by.”

A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn’t to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn’t in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn’t in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.    1 Kings 19:11-12 MSG

I have been praying for an answer. Why did I think God would unfurl a banner from heaven with the words "Do This" or "Don't Do That"? Maybe He would speak to me through a song on the radio, or a word from my pastor. I waited for one of these senerios to play out, but nothing, only quiet and stillness.

I am sure part of the problem is my own busyness. Honestly, I haven't taken time to listen to my husband, let alone the still small voice of God. I know I am not alone, most of us fill our lives with different things that command all of our conscience time. As soon as the alarm goes off in the morning, my mind is racing as I head to the bathroom to take my shower. "What day is this? Monday? Ok,"  I have my mammogram appointment at 8:00, then work till 4:30, go home feed the dogs, head out to finish painting the other house, grab something to eat, then before you know it, I am on my way home, and it is 10:30. Set the alarm, crash, repeat.

I remember last summer, I was presented with an "offer I couldn't refuse". I thought it was the answer to all my unhappiness with my job, uncertainty about the future and chance for change - all the things I had been praying about for years.  I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity, it was exactly what I wanted to do, perfect. Except, there was a nagging in my heart that seemed to to say no, this is not for you. I tried every which way to make it work out. I had discussions with myself trying to drown out the words in my head that seemed to say "not yet, not this".

So, before I left on our mission trip to Nicaragua, I made one of the hardest calls I had to make, declining the offer. Surprisingly, when I hung up, there was peace, not regret. Little did I know, that just three weeks later, God would open the door to the most amazing, life changing, venture. If I had not listened to His prompting to say no, I would have missed out on something much better.

Then, on Friday, while I was once again praying, it hit me. I am in the same position now. I have a tremendous opportunity to do something I love, to serve on a mission trip to Nicaragua. To teach a cake decorating class to the women at House of Hope, and love on the children at One By One. Who could deny the value of a trip like this, or all the good it affords. Yet, I have a nagging, heaviness in my heart that it just isn't the right time for me. It doesn't make sense to me. It does not have to make sense to me though, does it? I just need to listen to the still, small voice in my heart that says "Not this time.". 

I know that God has a reason for everything, even though in my finite mind I cannot figure it out. I have to trust that where He leads, He provides, and He sustains.

I have to trust that where He leads, He provides, and He sustains.
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So, I make the phone call I have been dreading, and just like last time - peace. I don't know what it is that God has in store for me, or what His plans are, but I am excited to find out!


When have you said no to what seemed like it should be yes?

My Pillar of Cloud

"By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night."   Exodus 13:21 NIV

Courtesy of Pixabay.com

I have always found low lying clouds to be mysterious and beautiful. They appear to move and breathe if you are still and watch long enough. Have you ever been close enough to one of these patches of fog, appearing so close you could almost touch it? I have a time or two in a field on the side of the highway. Each time I wanted to pull over and "walk through the clouds". I promise myself, the next time that opportunity arises, I WILL do it.

A few weeks ago, I had the priviledge of attending the Asheville Christian Writers Conference at The Cove - The Billy Graham Training Center. What an amazingly peaceful and tranquil bit of heaven on earth. I honestly had tears in my eyes as I pulled away from the guard gate. As luck would have it, I forgot to pack my phone charger, a small blessing in disguise. Without the distractions of social media, phone calls, texts and emails, I was able to focus all my attention on the true purpose for being there.  The only regret, with a dead phone battery, I was unable to take all of the photos I wanted.  I only captured one picture of the mountain view, and it was breathtaking.

The Cove

Sunday morning, the clouds hung low in the valley. I was comforted by the beauty of this white, fluffy blanket that seemed to cover us. Immediately I was reminded of the scripture I had recently read about the children of  Israel, being lead in the wilderness by a 'pillar of cloud'. So easily, I imagined what it must have been like in that desert, all those centuries ago with Moses, to see a cloud and know that it was God.  Peace flooded my heart at the vision of this mass that hovered above, seemingly at arms reach.

As you may have read in an earlier post, we have been dealing with the clean up from a storm in early March. A tree fell on the roof of a house we own. Add to that - working on another piece of property to get it ready for habitation, cleaning up our own house and the tree that fell there, finding out we are losing not one but two different tenants, bills piling up, and the already tiny money pile shrinking. I had to take a few days off work from my full time job to get some things finished up. I had been praying for God to lead us, and provide for us, and was beginning (okay continuing) to stress about our entire situation.  As I was driving past Paris Mountain, close to my home, I was again reminded of God's presence as a pillar of cloud.

Paris Mountain

I stopped my car on the side of the road to take a photo.  There it was, to me, a symbol of God's presence. It seemed to whisper to my heart, "Peace! Be Still!". In that very moment, God was there with me, going on before me, and covering me with His peace. What an amazing gift.

To some, clouds or fog are only a nuisance. To me, they will forever be a sign of my Father's guidance, presence and peace.

Take time to notice the little things, God may be seeking your attention
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What are symbols of God's presence in your life?

GOD'S LOVE THROUGH A DOG'S EYES

The Lord is good,
A strength and stronghold in the day of trouble;
He knows [He recognizes, cares for, and understands fully] those who take refuge and trust in Him

Nahum 1:7 AMP

I am a firm believer that God will speak to us in many creative ways. He uses the Bible, lyrics to songs we hear on the radio, other people, just to name a few.  This week I felt the gentleness of his spirit speak to my heart through my sick, stinky, fur monster, Boo Boo.

I have never been able to have children of my own, so I have Fur Babies. I think I love my dogs as much as some parents love their own flesh and blood. Conan, our Chocolate Lab, and Boo Boo our Newfoundland, bring extra love, joy and slobber to our home, and I can't imagine life without them.

Dogs, one of life's greatest teachers, LOVE on 4 legs
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Boo Boo in particular is very clingy to me, in truth her name should have been Shadow. She follows me from room to room. As soon as she lays down on the cool tile floor in the breakfast nook while I am making my coffee, she has to get up and follow me to the bedroom at the other end of the house while I decide what to wear for the day. She flops into a huge pile of black fur in the middle of the bedroom floor (looking like a breathing bearskin rug). Next I am on my way to the bathroom to dry my hair. Of course she must follow me there as well, because she enjoys the hot air of the hair dryer on her back, as I tell her what a  'pretty' girl she is.

I recently took Boo to the vet because a skin issue had flared up. We left with a hefty dose of antibiotics for my fluff nugget. As the days passed, her appetite dwindled (very rare for a Newfoundland, who eats as much as she breathes). No longer did I have company from room to room, only when I sat down would she cuddle with me on the sofa, taking comfort in my love for her. She was so pitiful, and my heart hurt to see her not well.

When I read Nahum 1:7 in light of my relationship with Boo Boo, I have a small glimpse into the love of our Father has for us.  Boo seeks me out for comfort, and refuge. She trusts me to care for, and soothe her hurts. I recognize this is what she is doing. Because I love her dearly and understand that she was not well, I give her what she needs and asks for.

How many times have I run to God, seeking refuge at His side, comfort in His arms, too many to count. When my feelings are hurt by the insensitivity of another, I am overwhelmed at all I have to do, or I am just lost feeling, He is there. His spirit covers me with peace like a fresh blanket of snow

God is good. Turn to Him for strength, for refuge from the pain and storms of life, He will be your stronghold. He loves you, He understands you.

Do you have a favorite pet story that God has used to speak to your heart?  How has God shown His love to you this week?

FAITH ~ BELIEVING WITHOUT SEEING

 

He said to his servants, “Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.” - Genesis 22:5 NIV

 

Don't you just love it when a passage you have read hundreds of times, suddenly has fresh new meaning, like you are hearing it for the very first time. The story of Abraham and Isaac is one of the early bible stories most of us learn as children. God tells Abraham to take his beloved son Isaac, and sacrifice him as an offering. When they arrive at the place Isaac is to be sacrificed, he says to his father "where is the lamb for the burnt offering?", "God will supply the offering." is Abraham's reply. And yes, according to Genesis 22, God does supply the offering, sparing Isaac's life.

It has always been in Abraham's reply to Isaac that I have seen his faith voiced.  However, today as I was reading this story, I see where Abraham proved his faith prior to this reply. He said to his servants that were traveling with them, "we are going to worship, then WE will come back to you". We, Abraham said WE will come back. He could have said, "I will return", or "see you soon", or "be ready to leave when you see me again", any number of things. But he said we.

I have been struggling with a certain aspect of my faith lately; trusting that God is going to provide for us financially. We are in a period of our life that we have more outgoing than we do incoming, and it seems everyday there is another unexpected expense. I know in my heart He will provide, but because I cannot see how, or when it will happen, I waiver in my belief.

I want to be like Abraham.  Not that I want God to ask me to sacrifice someone dear to my heart, I want there to be no question in my thoughts, words or actions that God has everything in control. 

From now on, It is God WILL provide, not if. I will speak it, as if it is so, because it is.

Are you like Abraham?  How has God provided for you when it didn't seem possible?

 

In Him

Sheri

(photo courtesy of Pixabay.com)

What will they think?

"Just make sure you stay alert. Keep close watch over yourselves. Don't forget anything of what you've seen. Don't let your heart wander off. Stay vigilant as long as you live. Teach what you've seen and heard to your children and grandchildren."                                                        Deuteronomy 4:9

I have had a desire, a need, to write for several years now. There is nagging thought that plagues me at the prospect of sharing personal and sometimes painful memories in my writing. I am concerned about who will read it. Funny, I have never worried about IF people will read it, but worried about the important WHO's in my life that may read it. That was until God spoke directly to my heart this morning.

This particular passage of scripture was written to the Israelites as they were in the wilderness, about to enter the promised land. But I believe it is written for us as well.

• "Don't forget anything of what you've seen." I have experienced many things in my life: hurt, rejection, pain, joy, happiness, and love. I need to remember all of these experiences, they helped shape me into the person I am today.

• "Stay vigilant as long as you live."  Don't ever give up on the life God has for you.  Thank Him for the journey.  He has been and will be with you.  You may still be in the wilderness, but the promised land is just in sight. 

• "Teach what you've seen and heard to your children and grandchildren." It is okay that my kids, grandchildren, parents and friends read about the things that they may not know about me. It is important most of all to let them see where God has brought me from, and the mighty ways He has shown Himself along the way.

What is holding you back from doing what's in your heart? What fears are you facing? I would love for you to share, so we can help each other overcome these fears on the way to fulfilling your dreams.

God Bless!

Wordless Sighs, Aching Groans

Funny thing about wind, the only evidence of its presence is the effect it has as it passes by. Fluttering leaves on motionless trees, hair whipping in all directions in and out of your eyes, or the musical tinkling of wind chimes filling the air, yet wind itself has no form that can be seen.

Just a few days ago we experienced the strength and force of this unseen entity. There were no tornadoes reported, just straight line wind gusts that brought destruction to trees, power lines, the houses they fell on, cable and phone services. We have had a busy, no exhausting, few days trying to navigate the insurance system and repair processes for a house we own that had a tree fall on the roof.

We and everyone that we know were blessed that the damage sustained was limited to possessions and there was no physical injury.  I give God all praise for his protection, provision, and favor. I have also had to just be still, with no words to say. There have even been a few times when all I have been able to do was bow my head and pray, "Ugh Lord, please help me".

In spite of the flurry of activity to get things repaired, we have been surrounded by a peace that has settled over us like a down comforter on a cold night. We have faith in the fact that God has all of this in his control. He will not leave us in this mess, but is with us and will carry us through.

I literally groaned when we woke up this morning to news about additional repairs the property may need.  Just a few, short hours later, I received this text from a good friend of ours.

Romans 8:26-28 MSG

What a blessing! When we don't know what or how to pray, it doesn't matter, the Holy Spirit keeps us before our Father (I imagine a child saying 'look Daddy, look!'). He makes a prayer of our sighs and groans. And even this will be worked out for our good.


Thank you Father for loving me, providing for me, protecting me, and understanding when I have no words, only empty sighs or anguished groans.

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What uncertainty are you facing in life? There may be days ahead where you have no idea what to do, no strength to do it, and no words to express what you need or how you feel. God knows, his spirit is with us and intercedes for us.

Let the wind blow and trust HIM.

ELEMENTARY ART CLASS REVISITED

I loved art class as a child, probably the only subject in elementary school I enjoyed, most likely because I received praise, and my grades were good. My very favorite lesson in art class was on PERSPECTIVE. It is where you make a dot on the paper, and everything you draw fades into that space. Typically the drawings we did were of buildings with windows, and sidewalks, and a road between them that disappeared into this point that we had previously placed on our paper. Everything drew your eye to this one particular point. No matter what else was going on in the art work, your perspective was drawn to the singular point on the horizon.

This lesson has come back around in my life, 40 some years later.

I left on July 10th, for a mission trip to Managua, Nicaragua. Our church group went on this same trip the previous July, and it was life changing for me.  We were teaching classes in cake decorating, hair cutting, and business in order to help women learn a trade to support themselves and their small children.  I had been to Nicaragua last year, so I was prepared, knew what to expect, and was feeling pretty comfortable about the trip in general. I wasn't even that nervous about the flight.

God had other plans. Yes, this was a trip to help others, minister to others, and focus on others. However, it was a very introspective time for me, and a great experience in growing closer and deeper in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

When we arrived, and got to the house where we were staying, everyone began to unpack and get situated. It became obvious pretty quickly that the suitcase with my extra shoes, toothbrush, shampoo, hairspray, makeup, soap, you know, all the 'essentials', was missing. I don't know if you have ever been to Nicaragua, but trust me, things like deodorant, soap, and toothbrush are pretty valuable if you want to continue to have friends or make new ones while you are there.

I was so upset. How was I going to make it through the week without a toothbrush? Hairspray? and only ONE pair of shoes?? This was going to be a disaster. I joked about it, and tried not to let on how upset I really was. It was late, and everyone was going to bed, I would just have to deal with it in the morning. At least I had my clothes. I also had a VERY good friend that loaned me all the essentials for the night, including her toothbrush. (Did I mention she is a VERY good friend??)

During the night, God must have spoken to my heart, because when I woke up, everything was different. I still didn't have my lost items, but my outlook was different about the situation. God whispered to me "Keep your eyes on Me, it is not about you".  In other words, God told me to keep my PERSPECTIVE where it needed to be, focused on HIM.  I could go to the store and replace the items I was missing, except the shoes (if you don't know me personally, you don't know that I wear a size 12 shoe, not so readily available in Nicaragua). Again, I heard my Father speak to me, "You are going to meet people that consider themselves blessed to have ONE pair of shoes, and you are worried about EXTRA shoes".

I literally stopped in my tracks. How do you continue to complain, and feel put out about anything, when you are faced with proof of how richly blessed you are? How temporary these earthly issues became in light of the work we were there to do and the lives of the people we would be sharing Christ's love with.

Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed - that exhilarating finish in and with God - he could put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God.                  Hebrews 12:2 MSG


What little, yet life changing lessons has God taught you recently?