POLKA DOTS AND WISDOM

"You did what?" I can still hear my mother's voice and see the look of surprise on her face as I explained the reason for the phone call she just received.

With all the wisdom I possessed in my eight year old brain, I decided it would be a good idea to tell all my neighborhood friends that I was having a fashion show at our apartment. I can only imagine the thoughts that went through my mother's spinning head as she answered phone call after phone call from other mothers, seeking details of this "fashion show" that all their little girls wanted to be a part of.

Even now I have to wonder where did that come from?  In our house, fashion was least of the concerns I can imagine my parents were preoccupied with. When my mom got off the phone, I got the third degree about what I had said, who did I tell, what was I thinking. I don't remember any of those details now, but I do remember what happened.

I am not sure what possessed my mother to go along with my plan. Bless her heart, instead of telling each of the mothers "my daughter has lost her ever loving mind",  she began sewing a dress, not just any dress, but matching dresses for my cousin Jana and me.

This all took place in the early 1970's. I do not remember a lot about what the dresses looked like except, they were multi colored polka dot and had matching scarves that we tied in our hair. We were so excited to have our matching dresses, and just knew that we would be winning the fashion show.

Our small three bedroom apartment was a hub of activity that night. I vaguely remember finger foods being out, and a room full of parents watching us. We all received standing ovations as we made our way down the stairs and twirled around the living room, like models walking the catwalk. To the best of my recollection, no one won, the 'panel of judges' declared a tie among all the contestants. It is pretty evident there was someone else in the house with much more wisdom than I.

Wisdom, as defined by Merriam-Webster: accumulated philosophical or scientific learning; good sense. See, at my tender age of eight, I possessed absolutely zero wisdom. My mother, on the other hand, had more years of life experience, and insight of the big picture regarding my friends and I competing against each other for who was the prettiest.

The bible says many things about wisdom, but one of my favorite verses is:

 But the wisdom that comes from God is like this: First, it is pure. It is also peaceful, gentle, and easy to please. This wisdom is always ready to help people who have trouble and to do good for others. This wisdom is always fair and honest. James 3:17 ERV

My mother's wisdom was in this instance peaceful and gentle, she never yelled at me, or got mad at having to take the extra time to make (not one but two) dresses, clean the house for all the guests and host my impromptu fashion show. By allowing us to carry on with my crazy plan, she did what was good for others, by not disappointing all my little friends. Most of all, she was fair and honest. I am sure one of the other little girls may have been prettier that the rest of us, someone else more graceful, and someone else may have had a prettier dress (I doubt it). But we were all made to feel beautiful, elegant and equally admired for that moment in time.

Thank you mom for all the lessons you have taught me in life, and sharing your wisdom. More importantly, thank you for sharing with me how to grow in wisdom.

FROZEN

Elijah approached all the people and said, “How long are you going to be paralyzed by indecision? 1 Kings 18:21a (NET)

Frozen! Have you ever been there? I am not talking about the Disney version with happy songs and smiles, or when you are so cold your nose and toes feel like they may fall off.

I have experienced the kind of frozen lately where I feel completely stuck, paralyzed, and as trapped as the boat in the photo above.

As I write this today, I realize it is a condition of my own making. I have been making excuses about being too busy, too tired, too involved, too - you name it. Everything except too ready to do something about it.

Those that know me, know we have a lot going on right now with trying to get our new little BBQ restaurant up and running. It has been a true labor of love for both of us. There have been meetings with contractors, codes enforcement, suppliers, more contractors, etc. I have used the excuse of all the decision making, painting, research, testing and meetings to keep me from writing. In fact, none of them are the reason.

I attended a writers conference last year. It was aimed primarily for Christian writers. I had attended before and felt like I had a good idea what to expect and was looking forward to learning more about the trade/business.  I also had built up enough courage to present an idea I have for my first book. I was so nervous, but believed with my whole heart it was an idea given to me by the holy spirit. 

I made the appointment to pitch my idea to a publisher. I was confident and excited. As we sat face to face at the conference table, I explained my idea, how I thought it could be laid out, what market I thought it would be best suited for, and why I was writing it.

As he looked me in they eye, I was so encouraged, he was really listening and getting my vision I thought. When I finished, he leaned back in his chair and sighed heavily. Here it comes I thought, he is going to ask to see a sample of my writing, I am going to get an offer to publish!

Instead, he said "I don't believe God would condone the topic, and therefore would not bless it, I can not be a part of publishing this book".  I can only imagine the look on my face as I tried my best to hold it together. He was not interested at all in my writing, or discussing it really. We made small talk for a few minutes, then I thanked him for his time and made my way back to my room as fast as the elevator and shuttle bus would take me.

As I opened my hotel room door and stepped inside to allow myself to cry over the humiliation, rejection and frustration, I heard the door close behind me. The door to my hopes and dreams of writing. I could not believe how hurt I felt, disappointed, unheard, and mostly judged because his idea of what is Christian and mine were different.

I came home and talked with my pastor about it. I left that meeting reassured that I was doing what was right for me, but I had lost something that has taken me this long to get back. The need, desire and longing to write never left me, but the courage to put myself out there again, to write even here on my blog, had vanished.

So, today is a new day. No more feeling trapped by someone else's opinion of me or my work, my thoughts and ideas. I am moving forward with plans that I believe God has for me.  No more hindering or blocking myself from the blessing and future he has for me and others.

Do you ever feel frozen by the words or actions of others?

What helped you?

Please leave a comment below, I would love to hear your story and encourage others who may be going through the same thing today.

Little Stone Building

In my last post, I shared with you my thoughts and emotions at leaving the job I had held for nearly three decades. Let me go back and begin to explain how we got to this place.

I loved my job and the people I worked with, but for years had felt a tugging on my heart to do something else. I thought it might be massage therapy, so I went to school and was graduated with a certificate to become a massage therapist. I struggled for a couple of years, trying to build a clientele, but to no avail. Working full time and trying to build on a part time basis was not cutting it for me, so I shelved that love and kept on working.

That was until I got a phone call from a friend of mine that was opening her own salon, and asked if I would like to be their massage therapist. Are you kidding me? This seemed like the perfect opportunity to leave my current job and move into a totally new career doing something else that I loved, massage.  I was so excited, and planned, dreamed and began to think about how great it was going to be. But, in the deepest part of my heart, something did not feel right. Not that making this change was wrong or bad, but just that still small voice telling me, "no, not yet". I didn't know if it was not THIS or just WAIT.  I left for a ten day mission trip and prayed about it the entire time. When I got home, I was more sure than ever that it was a no for me at this time, so I called my friend and let her know. That was July 25, 2016.

August 9, 2016, two weeks and one day later, I opened an email that I get every morning. It listed all the new properties for sale that day. I was always curious, so I took a few minutes each day to look. As I scrolled through the listings, a piece of commercial property was before my eyes, and I loved it. I turned my computer monitor toward Randy and said, "here it is, our new restaurant". Randy and I had always joked about opening a sub shop, one of his passions. If we combined the subs and massage, we could call it Subs and Rubs. I was really kind of joking when I showed him, and much to my surprise the words "lets go look at it" shot from his mouth (I think before he had time to think about them).

I called and made an appointment to meet the relator that evening after work. This little building in Marietta, SC,  is a 30-45 drive from where we were living and working in Greenville. On the way there, we drove through a terrible storm, one of the worst I can ever recall, the kind where your windshield wipers are beating fast and hard against the windshield, and you can't blink as you try so hard to see two feet in front of you. Randy said "lets call and reschedule" but we were over half way there, and I knew she had to be on the way as well. So we kept on driving.

As we approached Marietta, the rain let up and by the time we parked the car, the sun was out, and this beautiful rainbow appeared in the sky just above the building next to the one we were looking at. I told Randy, "there's our sign!", I even took a photo of it.

God continued, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and everything living around you and everyone living after you. I’m putting my rainbow in the clouds, a sign of the covenant between me and the Earth. From now on, when I form a cloud over the Earth and the rainbow appears in the cloud, I’ll remember my covenant between me and you and everything living, that never again will floodwaters destroy all life. When the rainbow appears in the cloud, I’ll see it and remember the eternal covenant between God and everything living, every last living creature on Earth.” Genesis 9:13-16 MSG

 I really think it was at that moment that we knew, this little building would be ours, even if we didn't know for sure what we would do with it.

So, here it is, our "Little Stone Building". We are believing that God led us here, and has a great plan for this amazing little building, and our ordinary lives. I believe that the flood waters that have washed over our lives in the past are over, and that regardless of what comes our way, God is with us and leading us. 

This is just the beginning of a crazy, great ride. Follow along as I share the ways in which God has and is blessing us as He leads us on this journey.

Front door of Little Stone Building

Back of building

Beginnings and Endings

Endings are better than beginnings. Sticking to it is better than standing out. ~ Ecclesiates 7:8 MSG

New beginnings are exciting, fun, filled with hope and promise of something better.

Endings can be sad, hard, painful and cause us to be reflective. I am not sure what Solomon, the writer of Ecclesiates, meant by endings being better than beginnings, I think they both have their good and bad points.

What I am finding on this day, the beginning of the end of my employment and retirement from a job that I have held for over 27 years, is a great mix of all the above. I have been a huge mix of emotions today. I knew this day was coming, but until it actually arrived, I didn't know what to expect.

I have worked for a millwork wholesale company since I was in my early twenties. When I walked in the front door in 1990 I didn't know the difference between a jamb, sill or T-astragal. I started as an order entry/file clerk and worked my way up to an administrative/purchasing position.

If you don't know much about millwork, you may not appreciate one of my funniest early experiences.  It was my job to hand key all the sales orders into the computer. A typical door unit would have the size, thickness, door type, etc. My office manager brought me a packing slip for an order I had entered that read: Interior Door Unit, 3/0x6/8 1 3/8 Solid Core BITCH. (it should have said BIRCH). I was so embarrassed, because the customer of course had seen it, along with everyone in the office as it was passed around for a good laugh. I am glad that I have learned to laugh at myself since then, because there have been many instances for me to do just that.

Learning was one of the best parts of the job for me, that and helping people solve problems. I soaked up as much information as I could but am sure there is much more I will leave not knowing.

I was supported through the very difficult end of my tumultuous first marriage, counselled on my decision to marry the second time and leave the country, and welcomed back just 10 months later when that marriage failed. Best of all, I worked with the man that would end up being the love of my life, my third (and final!) husband.

My work family stood by me as I struggled through my years of healing from physical and sexual abuse, infertility and loss of loved ones. I literally grew up in this one office, having spent over half of my life within its walls. Walls that protected me from the pain of the outside world until I was healthy, whole and ready to leave them for this new venture in my life.

I will post, as promised, on our story of opening the restaurant, but I could not move on without honoring this part of my life, and reflecting on all that it has meant to me.

So thank you to those that hired me, believed in me, supported me, laughed at and with me, tolerated me, forgave me, taught me and loved me. You will forever be a huge part of my story and I am eternally grateful and blessed to have shared these years of my life with you.

You asked for it, you got it

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Isaiah 55:2a

A funny thing happened while on a mission trip a couple of years ago. The wheels were set into motion for the change of my life.

I was on a trip with my church at Epic Missions in Indian River, Florida. I was working in the kitchen with Jackie Munsey, one of the founders of Epic Missions, discussing a dream of mine to also do something similar to what she was doing. I felt unfulfilled in the job I had and wanted to make a difference in the world. I love to cook,  for one or large crowds, it doesn't matter to me. I enjoy feeding people,  love to see them enjoy a meal, and be satisfied. After I had shared this with Jackie, she told me not to give up on that dream, that God had placed it there in my heart for a reason.

Fast forward one month from that conversation. I was approached by a talented hair dresser that I know, to work in her salon as a massage therapist. I have been a licensed massage therapist for nearly ten years, but have not been practicing for nearly a year. I was so excited at the possibility and wanted so desperately to make it work. I planned, thought, and tried my best to make it a reality, but there was a nudging in my heart that this was not the right thing (or at least the right time) for this endeavor.  I told her I wanted to think about and pray during my upcoming mission trip to Nicaragua, just the following week.

As I was away from all the hustle and bustle at home, and was truly seeking God’s plan in this situation, I knew that it was not what God wanted for me and when I got home, I called to let my friend know what I had decided. I got up, went back to my regular job (that I had been at for nearly 27 years) the next morning, and back to life as usual.

About two weeks later, I was looking at a real estate website, and decided to glance at commercial real estate. There is was, the least expensive listing, in a very small town about 20 miles from our house, and it was calling my name. I had been in this town many times during a previously difficult time in my life and had not been back in nearly 20 years. But I was drawn by this cute little building, with so much character, I just had to see it.  I said to my husband “Randy, I just found our little take out restaurant building”. He turned around with that same smile he always gives me, and said, “lets see”. I showed him the photos and the listing and told him the price. “Let’s go look at it” so I called the realtor and made an appointment for later that evening after work.

It was POURING rain when we left work, the hardest I believe I have ever driven through. Randy wanted to postpone, but she would have already been on her way too, so we kept driving. The rain quit just as we approached the stone building that looked even smaller in real life.  When we got out of the car to walk to the front door, there was a gorgeous rainbow just to our left. “There it is, our sign!”

Actual photo taken when we went to look at the building the first time. 

Long story short, (and I do mean long story) we purchased the building and are working on converting it to a take out only BBQ restaurant, called Stone House BBQ.

I will take the next few posts to fill you in on the other challenges we have faced, the doors that God has miraculously opened and the vision we have for our little business.

Thank you for following our adventure and when we finally open, we look forward to meeting you in person!

HOLE or WHOLE

What a difference a W makes!

May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:23 MSG

My biggest pet peeve (today) is opening a $7.00 loaf of gluten free bread, only to find a hole the size of Texas running the entire length of the loaf.

Why does this hole bother me so much? There are many great things with holes in them that we love.

Swiss cheese, especially the extremely lacy, baby Swiss, has tons of holes, and it is considered perfectly normal and delicious that way.

Donuts, now here is a good one. The holes in donuts are not only acceptable, we cook the holes and somehow, they taste better than the donut itself.

We can't forget designer jeans. You know the ones our kids buy with holes already in them? I even had a pair when I was much younger that I paid way too much money for. If I listen closely, I can still hear my dad's laughter when he found out what I paid for them.

Holes in, and of themselves are not a bad thing; but when you have one where it doesn't belong ...

What about the saying that we each have a Jesus shaped hole in our heart, that only He can fill? 

Like a lot of people, my life has not always been easy or enjoyable, at times, barely tolerable. I was lost, lonely and hurting from the actions of others, and looking to the wrong people for direction. I felt like that lacy baby Swiss cheese, more holes than substance, held together by the tiniest of matter that could be pulled apart any given moment.

As I sit here now and think about my life, and how the holes have been filled over the years, I realize I have become whole.

The Father has filled all my holes with His love. Where there was loss, he supplied more than I could ask, where there was loneliness, he provided a companion, where there was pain, he gave comfort and healing, where there was bitterness and anger, he brought forgiveness and joy.

Not only am I whole, my desire is to be wholly His.

Every thought, dream, step, plan, relationship, dollar, desire, everything - to be wholly His.

TALKING TATTOO

photo curtesy of Pixabay

I LOVE tattoos. I am curious about every one that I see. What was the inspiration for it? Who did it? Who designed it? Is it your first?

I got my first tattoo when I was 35 years old.  I was on a beach trip, had always wanted one, and finally got the nerve to do it. I walked straight in, looked at the thousands of pictures on the four walls and picked the 'perfect' one, a simple dolphin jumping out of the water. Original, right? At the time I had no idea how much I would come to regret that tattoo.

Looking back, I realize how that simple, silly, generic tattoo really doesn't mean anything to me. There is no real part of ME in the artwork. It is a simple, one color, line drawing of something anyone could have drawn up.

Don't get me wrong, I am not throwing off on anyone else's choice of body art, it is just to me, this one is not art at all. When I got my second tattoo, there was much more thought and planning that went into it, and it represents a very pivotal, spiritual, life changing moment in my life.

I was in love, really in love. I found the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Things were going no where really, and I was extremely jealous of another female friend in his life. For weeks I contemplated ending the relationship. It was going to go nowhere and I had been there and done that before. I wanted stability, permanence, love, companionship and someone that was all mine.

During this time, I had a strange encounter with a praying mantis. Every evening when I came home to my third floor apartment, there was this enormous, green, creepy looking bug on my front door. It was in my face, at eye level, and there was no getting past it, without getting rid of it. So a broom swept it off the door, over the railing to the ground below.  The next night, the same scenario, and then a third. Was he/she a glutton for punishment? Did they enjoy being swept into the breezeway? What brought this icky bug back night after night?

A friend of mine had told me about the Native American belief that God speaks to us through animals. Now, I believe wholeheartedly in God, and believe he speaks to us in many different ways if we will just listen for his voice.  So I Googled the symbolic meaning of the praying mantis. The mantis has the following traits: Patience, Stability, Meditation, Peaceful, Quietness. The ability to be still is most important to the mantis.

Was God telling me, BE STILL? I know he was (and does often even now). "Be still and wait, I have things in control, I am God, I know what I am doing".  

So that is what I did. I waited.

Today I am happily married to Randy, the same man whom I nearly ended my relationship with, the love of my life. Had I listened to my emotions and acted on them, we would not be together now.  My life would be totally different.

My second tattoo is a reminder to always BE STILL when life is crazy, when I feel like doing something rash, or when I need to know what is right. I have a praying mantis on my right thigh. I try to remember the following verse from Exodus 14:14

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still Ex 14:14

Do you have a special story behind one of your tattoos?

 

I would love for you to share it with me.

 

Please email me a note with a photo of your tattoo!  stauffersheri@gmail.com

Conan

Hiding from the vacuum cleaner



Conan at 3 months old


“But ask the animals what they think—let them teach you;
    let the birds tell you what’s going on.
Put your ear to the earth—learn the basics.
    Listen—the fish in the ocean will tell you their stories.
Isn’t it clear that they all know and agree
    that God is sovereign, that he holds all things in his hand—
Every living soul, yes,
    every breathing creature?"  Job 12:7-10

Looking back on 2017, there are many exciting, happy, and memorable moments to reflect on.  I have to say the hardest was saying good by to our Chocolate Lab, Conan.

My love of labs goes way back, before I could even walk. My grandparents had a black lab named Nick. I am told that he was a gentle dog.  He would let me wallow around on him, pull his tail and in my own way, love on him without complaint on his part of any kind.

Me at 9 months with Nick

If I believed in reincarnation, I would have to say Nick came back into my life as Conan. Even as a puppy, Conan had the soul of an old man.  Those hazel green eyes of his would look so intently into mine with an unspoken understanding of the love we had for each other. When we picked him up at the breeder’s, it was love at first sight.

I have so many stories of the things he got into as a puppy, the couch he destroyed, numerous pairs of shoes, and doors that still have his teeth marks in them to this day. Two of my favorite memories of him are of how smart he was and the funniest thing he did.

We had a springer spaniel named Booger we got the same weekend we got Conan, so they were ‘brothers’. Booger tried so hard to be the Alpha male in the house. Every time the two of them would come in from outside, Booger had to be first. He would immediately turn around and jump on Conan (twice his size) and attack him, pulling on his ears, lips and anything else he could get ahold of. I know this irritated Conan to no end, but he was never mean to Booger, he would just put his head down and keep walking. One particular time, Booger ran through the open door, in his usual manner he spun around and waited for his big brother to walk in and be his ‘punching bag’ of sorts. This time however, Conan had a plan. On his way to the door, he picked up a rawhide that had been previously left outside. As he came toward the door, he never stopped walking, he just lowered his head and dropped the rawhide at the same instant that Booger pounced. When Booger heard the chew toy hit the ground, his ADHD kicked into full swing and just like that, he was all over the rawhide and Conan walked peacefully and calmly into the house. It was a win-win for both of them, but genius on Conan’s part.

The funniest mischief Conan ever got into was funny but expensive. I had been paid $80.00 cash, all twenty dollar bills for some items I sold. It was late, and we were in a hurry to go grab a bite of dinner. I left the money laying on the coffee table and we scurried out the door. Conan was much older now, and had long since past his chewing on everything stage. Food was free game if it were left out, but other items were safe by this point in his life, or so I thought.  When we returned home, about 30 minutes later, there were only two twenty dollar bills, and they both had seen better days. I knew right away where the other $40.00 was. Let’s just say, the a dog’s digestive system does wonders at removing ink from legal tender.

Conan was my best friend, my cuddle bug, my sofa partner, my protector, and he held a part of my heart in his. That is why when he began to show signs of not feeling well, I knew in the depths of my soul that it was coming close to the end of our time together, here on earth anyway.  I took him to the vet a few days later, and she confirmed what I feared the most, it was most likely cancer.

Have you ever loved someone so much, that you had to make very difficult decisions because it was the right thing to do, rather than what you wanted to do? I loved him too much to see him suffer. As much as I wanted to keep him near to me, and in my arms, I knew that I had to let him go, in peace and be pain free.

As I sat on the floor next to him in the vet’s office, I stroked him, cried, and told him how much I loved him. I thanked him for being the best boy ever, and for loving me unconditionally and totally selflessly. My heart will forever have his paw print stamped in the very center. I was blessed to have been his human mom and for him to be my furbaby.